Friday, March 24, 2006

Oh What A Night!

OK no, so we're at Cantone's and speaking French to some Middle Eastern/French Speakers it was weird. Then we venture downtown to familiar territory and have a few more drinks and trivia, which we rocked at. Where else should we go? Well, how bout the Hardware Bar? Familiar to Mattandriver and Dorman??? Oui! So, it's a meat market. Immediately there's an "Italian" making his moves on the two of us and wants to know if were 'lesbian.' After much consideration on this question, we determine that we are in fact, lesbian wannabes, just to get rid of the greasy vulture. In case you're wondering, he didn't even bother to buy us a drink. Loser!

So, we circulate....and the band plays "Beautiful People" by Marilyn Manson. To which Carnealian dances frantically. But Marie (not her real name) is sedate. So Carnealian see a cutie patootie and decides to say "I thought they didn't allow guys on the bar." Marie is comiserating with 60 year old basketball coaches while Carnealian is making time with the man of her dreams.

Marie decides it's time to go and she's driving (scary) so I have no choice. I must abandon the man of my dreams because departure is mandatory according to "the maniac," my driver.

Upon crossing the short unobstructed corner, Marie begins to stumble and fall flat on her face, keys spewing in every direction with local law enforcement looking onward. After a chuckle from our "finest" and a "are you o.k. ma'am" we were on our way. Eventhough the love of my life waits at the Hardware Bar for me.

Sad, but true.

As if this story wasn't sad enough, on our way to the car, a beggar stopped us asking for some change. He even produced an onion from his pocket as proof of his destitute state. We convinced him we spent all our money at the bar (which is fairly true) based on the fact that it was $13.00 for two drinks without the oral sex as a bonus.

Needless to say, I missed the opportunity of a lifetime thanks to Marie. I will be going back to that bar every night for the rest of my life to find him. (Copa, Copacabana, the hottest spot north of Havana.)


Fin Dawg said...

This explains the calls I received at 12:26 and 2:05 AM....respectively...and I though a couple of crack whores had been given my number!

InterstellarLass said...

HA HA! Party on girl! You'll find that man of your dreams...even if you have to drink all the alcohol in the bar to do it!

Last night we spent $33 including tip on 6 beers. Yeah. NBA basketball game beer prices.

Coyote Mike said...

But, I wasn't at that bar. How could you have met the love of your life if I wasn't at the bar?

Anonymous said...

Uh,why didn't you give him your number.

Dorman said...

an onion? all I have to say is hopefully in the beginning of June I'll drag JL down, along with my truck-sized ego, and we'll hook you up at the Hardware Bar.

Lesbians.....I always figured that woul be a 2 for 1 deal until I, yes even I, got shot down by two of th most gorgeous carpet munchers I ever saw.

MarkD60 said...

isn't is supposed to be speled "meet market"? I love Beautiful People" by Marilyn Manson

Bone said...

Drunk blogging, are we Carney?

Nothing like it.

mattandriver said...

Sorry, but you may have to wait until after July 4th to drag me down there. Then again, maybe not….

rev. billy bob gisher ©2005 said...

I have a whole bag of onions. I must be in really sad shape. as for you, didn't anybody ever tell you that alcohol is the perfume of the devil?