Thursday, August 25, 2005

Permission Slips

It's been quite since I needed to have a permission slip completed, but I recently was sent these for use now that I'm an adult.

See, they're to be used when one member in a partnership wishes to go out with friends. Girls, the first one is for you to complete for a girls night out. Guys yours is just below. It should be completed when you'd like a guys night out. Feel free to print these off as needed!




APPLICATION FOR A NIGHT OUT WITH THE GIRLS

Name of Girlfriend/Fiancé/Partner/Wife:

I’m going out.

Signed: (me) _____________________________







APPLICATION FOR A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS

Name of Boyfriend/Fiancé/Husband:

I request permission for a leave of absence from the highest authority in my life for the following period:


Time of return
Date: Time of departure: NOT to exceed:

Should permission be granted, I do solemnly swear to only visit the locations stated below, at the stated times. I agree to refrain from hitting on or flirting with other women. I shall not even speak to another female, except as expressly permitted in writing below. I will not turn off my cell after two pints, nor shall I consume above the allowed volume of alcohol without first phoning for a taxi AND calling you for a verbal waiver of said alcohol allowance. I understand that even if permission is granted to go out, my girlfriend/fiancé/wife retains the right to be pissed off with me the following week for no valid reason whatsoever.





Amount of alcohol allowed (units) Beer Wine Liquor Total
Location: From: To:
Location: From: To:
Location: From: To:
Locations to be visited



Females with whom conversation
is permitted

IMPORTANT – STRIPPER CLAUSE: Notwithstanding the female contact permitted above, I promise to refrain from coming within one hundred (100) feet of a stripper or exotic dancer. Violation of this Stripper Clause shall be grounds for immediate termination of the relationship.

I acknowledge my position in life. I know who wears the trousers in our relationship, and I agree it’s not me. I promise to abide by your rules & regulations. I understand that this is going to cost me a fortune in chocolates & flowers. You reserve the right to obtain and use my credit cards whenever you wish to do so. I hereby promise to take you on an unlimited shopping spree, should I not return home by the approved time. On my way home, I will not pick a fight with any stranger, nor shall I conduct in-depth discussions with said entity. Upon my return home, I promise not to urinate anywhere other than in the toilet. In addition, I will refrain from waking you up, breathing my vile breath in your face, and attempting to breed like a (drunken) rabbit.

I declare that to the best of my knowledge (of which I have none compared to my BETTER half), the above information is correct.
Signed - Boyfriend/Fiancé/Husband:



Request is: APPROVED DENIED

This decision is not negotiable. If approved, cut permission slip below and carry at all times.
"……………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Permission for my boyfriend/fiancé/husband to be away for the following period of time:


Date: Time of departure: Time of return:

Signed – Girlfriend/Fiancé/Wife:

10 comments:

InterstellarLass said...

HA! Where was this when I needed it!

Findley Labrador said...

Now where is the special clause for the New Beaujolis????

mman said...

Funny idea on the permission slip. I hope you don't know anyone who may need this for their relationship. If there is no trust then kick it to the curb.

Carnealian said...

I can think of a couple of people that could/would use this in their relationships. And, as Findley mentions, when the Nouveau Boujolais comes out in November, I'll need on for my other half. ;)

Crystal said...

hilarious

madman said...

GEE--I'm not sure what to think of that form!

Walking,Talking,Poison said...

LOL! You know what I need, anyone remember those dorky love coupon thingys they had at like spencers a while back? This coupon good for a backrub, or a bubble bath, etc. I need some of those but they gotta come with a man to give em to me =P

fsgsf said...

LOL!! I can use some of those slips right about now! ;-)

Peace!

NJ from NJ

Robert Paulson said...

The very idea that such a slip exists makes me so proud to be male.

michaelm said...

Oh, my, my, my, Carnealian...
I may just have to send my wife a link to this post.
Very funny stuff. Kudos.

michaelm