Rolling Back the Years

Stole this one from Bone. His was hilarious, can't guarantee mine will be. This is a fairly simple meme, for those of us who proudly display our high school diplomas, or GED certificates. List something you remember from each grade of school:

Kindergarten: I remember that when she used to read to us, she would put the book up on a stand of some sort and clip the pages back with clothes pins. I loved that for some reason.

1st Grade/2nd Grade: I have to put these two together because the teacher I had in first grade I also had in second grade. And for all you weisenheimers out there...NO, I didn't flunk. She changed grades with us. I remember the teacher was a "Miss." She had perfect hair, clothes, makeup and nails. Her nails were almost always silver with an occasional change to pink. She would spray perfume on herself after lunch.

3rd Grade: I just loved my teacher. Keep in mind the year was 1974. She was older then and had served in WWII. She could put her lipstick on without a mirror which she claimed was due to her years in the service. She was friends with Laura Ingalls Wilder of Little House on the Prairie fame. She would give us prizes for winning a spelling bee or some other exercise we did in class. They were coins from all over the world (from her travels.) I remember she gave away the gold fingertip things that the dancers in Thailand wear. God, I wanted them. Never got 'em.

4th Grade: Mr. Paul attempted to make me memorize my times tables. I still don't know them. He also dissected a cow's eyeball.

5th Grade: I remember having to stand in the hall. I was bad, no doubt about it. I also remember my teacher being pregnant and all the kids saying she "did it" in a corn field, thus resulting in her inevitable pregnancy.

6th Grade: My teacher, Mrs. Rados. A former neighbor of my family. She was evil, and of course had no tolerance for my crap. We also drafted a petition to send one of my classmates to the zoo. He was kinda fat. And, of course, this is where we learned all about how girls and boys are different, in the physical state anyway. I think it was in this year too that my band director thought it would be a good idea for me to go play my flute in the cafeteria at lunch. Since I was the only flute player in the school at the time I guess he was trying to drum up interest. Well, I never showed. And for all of you that are thinking of making up some joke about "One time at band camp"...save it.

7th Grade: I can remember being petrified in homeroom on the first day of school. I wore a white dress with the stitching reversed and in all kinds of funky colors. The girl behind me pulled a big chunk of hair out of my head. I see her on local TV now preaching God's word and how you should adopt children blah, blah, blah.

8th Grade: Probably my most problematic year. The year of my first boyfriend. I think it lasted a week. He made his bestfriend break up with me. I got into a fight after school. Man, my cheek hurt for a while. Finally, I got suspended from school for smoking in the bathroom. Only got a one day suspension (versus the usual 3 day suspension) because my parents were sufficiently pissed at me that the principal knew I would have a rough enough time at home.

9th Grade: I can't even think of one thing.

10th Grade: The first time I attended band camp. Yes, I still played the flute. I seriously fell in love for the first time. God, I hope no one from high school reads this. They are going to think I've seriously lost my mind if I'm STILL talking about this guy; Alex Ressetar. He was just the coolest. He was a punk rocker which made him even more cool. He had a Ramones bumpersticker on his car. I raided his locker after he graduated. I still have the stuff. I never dated him, met him or even talked to him. His dad is still the father of the Russian Orthodox parish down the street from me. They have festivals every summer. I've been tempted to go...but never have. I found out recently he's living in New York City and is a studio musician. Um, could you turn the knife a little deeper please?

11th Grade: I taught my friend Dianne that it wasn't that difficult to say the word "penis." We were totally into U2, the Violent Femmes and The Who for some reason. Our favorite high school band was The Tactics. My friend Ray was in the band. He still plays acoustically around my home and in Ohio where he lives.

12th Grade: What can I say, I finally graduated and stopped torturing my teachers.